Its funny how much we change sometimes and never realize it.
I was thinking about what I was like just a year ago and how much I've personally changed since then. Was I a happier person last year? Was I funnier and easier to be with? The answer to all those questions was a shocking yes, but that's for a different post entirely. One that will be posted on my much more anonymous site. ;)
But it got me thinking about change in general. We know that life is a succession of seconds, minutes, hours, days weeks and years but we never really see the implications of how, what seems like a short year or two, can change us into people that we wouldn't recognize back then. Similarly, I couldn't even imagine being the person I was two years ago.
I'll give you an example.
First, go back to about 7th grade for me. I didn't much listen to music, but I was profoundly against goyish music. I don't even know why I remember this, but I recall arguing against non-Jewish music for no particular reason whatsoever. I couldn't have even known better!
Anyway, flash forward a year or two and I'm listening to non-Jewish music. What got me into it? I don't remember at all, but here I am, 8th grade, listening to the spice girls. Shut up.
It was that time that I was a big z100 buff. I think it had something to do with that chumba wumba song but whatever. And one of the songs that happened to be in heavy rotation at the time was that Sugar Ray song called "fly" about how he just wants to fly. Deep. So I bought the CD. Disastrous. As it turned out, Sugar Ray was a heavy rock band at the time, and this fly song was the exception to the record. Of course they eventually sold-out completely and became a repetitive clone of their one hit, but that was later and not part of my current recollection. So anyway, I'm young, I listen to pop radio and I have this Sugar Ray CD that I hate. It goes into the back of the collection.
Flash forward two years and now I'm listening to 92.3 K rock. I've got a nine inch nails collection and I've burned my spice girls CD's at the altar to Satan. I'm going back through my old albums one day when, lo and behold, I come across my old Sugar Ray CD. I put it on out of curiosity and DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNN!!!! I love it! Heavy rotation.
Forward another two, to eleventh grade and now I'm all heavy in the underground punk and ska movement. If I wasn't Jewish Id have a pierced eyebrow, 2tone b&w wingtips, and a porkpie hat. Sugar Ray? How could I listen to sugar ray? They don't have a significant political agenda! Besides man, they totally sold out. Those republican, money-loving pigs!
Shoot to today, not even a full 2 years after I completely left the punk/ska thing behind and I'm voting republican, wearing button-down shirts and preppie sweaters, applying to med schools and listening to Sinatra and Dean Martin.
Its weird how we change...
Its weirder what got me thinking about it too. I was going through my closet and I found my old HASC sweatshirt from summer '02. Its maroon. My summer '03 is hunter green... But two years ago I thought these things totally rocked. I loved the colors. Id wear them daily. I looked great in them. Now I look at it and wonder who thought maroon was a normal color... Efrem.
I don't know why I gave the same story twice, with the sugar ray cd and the sweatshirt. Its the same metaphor really... The point is: its interesting, funny, nostalgic but often also very sad to look back. Maybe your a better person, maybe not. Sometimes though its worth listening to the old sugar ray CD to remember how things were when you were a different person. Maybe we can learn lessons from ourselves?
Maybe med school, express-wearing Xvi can learn something from Ace-of-Base listening, generic-brand Xvi? Maybe were not always perfect, even when we think we are.