Monday, December 05, 2005

So I was in my foreign language class today, English 2 (this is an entirely different rant, but English 2, as a required course generally has a very small percentage of actual english speakers resulting in 1) Cultural mixing, making me a more well rounded person overall and 2) the damn easiest A+ you could possibly do no work for) When some girls ringer went off in class. The song that happened to be playing was that wonderful new dance track about laffy taffy, penned by those musical wunderkint D4L. Now, for some reason this ellicited some sort of chuckle from most of the class leaving me in confusion. Why was everyone laughing? Its a great song! I asked a guy next to me what was so funny to which he gave me a perplexed look, so I asked the girl on my other side, as I knew that she spoke English. She told me that, apparently, this laffy taffy song was funny because it contained some sort of sexual inuendo.

What?

I know! Im so totally with you on this one. We have come to a point, as a society, where a man cant even tribute a song to his most favorite of candies without pop radio transforming it into some sort of anthem for debauchery. I, for one, cannot stand for this. First they rape the blissful poetry of AC/DC's ode to ballroom dancing and high-society party, stealing its inocence away. Next they distort the true meaning of the Bloodhound Gang's catalogue. Now my laffy taffy song must go too? NO! Laffy taffy is too good for you to ruin with your euphamisms. i will show you! Lets analyze the song line by line:

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl) Dat laffy taffy
Just a new dance crazy. Much like shaking a polaroid picture, the laffy taffy is clearly the new "it" thing to shake among young, urban women.
I'm lookin fa Mrs. Bubble Gum
I'm Mr. Chik-O-Stick
I wanna (dun dun dunt) (oh)
Cuz you so thick
Gurlz call me Jolly Rancher (Oh)
Cuz I stay so hard
You can suck me for a long time(Oh my god!)
Clearly candy cares to spend time with other candies of its type. The boy candy cares to meet the girl candy for a fun game of chutes and ladders or something of that nature. And as anyone who has ever sucked on a jolly rancher can attest, they do indeed stay hard.
Gurl dis ain't no dance flo'
Dis a candy sto'
And I'm really geeked up
And I got mo' dro
Here, the narrator specifically mentions that there will be no hanky-pankying occuring here. This is a candy store! The dro reference is a bit obscure to me. I only understand it to mean weed... but clearly that cant be it. Comments are welcome as to the definition of "dro" in a candy-shop setting.
I pop, I roll It's soft I know
It's da summer time But yo laffy taffy got me froze (oh)
Laffy Taffy as the awesomest candies ever are eaten by the "cool" or "froze" kids year round. It may be da summer time but its ALWAYS laffy taffy season.
Gone get loose (oh) Gone get low (oh)
don't be shy Hoe, I'm Faybo? (oh)
I kno' you wanna ride You a star and it shows
(What's happening? What's up? What's up? Let's go, let's go, let's go)
Here he refers to his chewing method. he gets loose ( a pre-chewing jaw stretch is just the thing) then he gets low (lowering of the jaw, in masticative preparation). Then he says some stuff I honestly dont understand...
close yo mouth and dont say shit
bend on ova and hit a split
work dat pole and work it well
stacks on deck, yo ankles swell
gurl let me touch ya, i will neva tell
security gaurd dont scare nobody
damn right i touched dat ho'
all da money just hit da flo
Ok... so i was wrong. Still.
Did they have to do that to laffy taffy? Why couldnt they sexualize, like, Alexander the Grapes or something. He's a hottie, and nobody actually eats those.
Stupid D4L.

3 Comments:

At 10:43 AM, Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

I love Alexander the Grape!

Also, why are two people blogging about Laffy Taffys? Is there a meme I don't know about?

And as for the actual Laffy Taffy song, I've never heard it...but now that you've dissected it and showed its true meaning, I'll be sure not to. Thank you, Xvi, for saving my neshama. (Uncle Moishy would be proud.)

 
At 9:45 AM, Anonymous sara said...

haha- so you stole my idea to write about laffy taffy's but its ok bc this was hysterical!!! maybe you should start a facebook group= ppl who are disenchanted with laffy taffy's

 
At 9:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

NSU - 4efer, 5210 - rulez
[url=http://bk-magazin.com][/url]

 

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