Ok, so for those who dont know, Ive been shidduch dating a bit recently and it really hasnt been going all that well.
Firstly, the reasons for my being in the dating world at all are shady at best. Consider my parents primary reasons for putting me out to pasture:
1)75% of my high school class was married/engaged before the mesozoian age of 22. "Nu Xvi? Isnt it your turn?"
2)My fathers brother... his baby brother (who got married at 19 and had daughters instantly) has 3 grandkids. My father waited and had me. Clearly this has become my problem.
3)I live in flatbush, which means that the Rancho Carne of women opens at the just-legal 18 years of age limit. If i dont jump on the wagon Ill end up with some old maid, apparently. She may even be... ::GASP:: 22!
4) My room is a mess. I need to get married, learn responsibility and take my mess to some other womans house. My moms had enough.
These are the primary reasons for my unleashing according to the homefront. So, like the good yiddishe bochur i am I obliged. Why not? Meet some nice ladies, take it casual, if I meet someone I like... sure, Im cool with marriage.
But its never that simple is it?
Now, in my own best interests I laid down a few, simple guidelines as to the type of date I'll go on.
a) she cant be chasidish (excluding Lubavitch women, they are a breed all their own and this rule dosent apply to them)
2) she has to have pursued a higher education or at the very least appreciate academia on a fundamental level.
3) She dosent hae to be in mensa, but she cant be an ICP fan either...
4) She should, if at all possible, have actuall interests/ideas/hobbies/personality. That may sound standard... but Im from Brooklyn.
and most importantly!!! 5) the shadchan should KNOW THE GIRL, KNOW ME, and HAVE A REASON for thinking this shidduch might work other then "oh, Mrs/Mr. XVI, you have a son? I know a girl!" This happens. I kid you not.
So whats been happening? Well, I folded instantly when I accepted my first date from a woman who apparently knows my mother somehow from shul. My mother accepted on my behalf and I went out with an 18 year old.
Then I went on a barrage of dates that were set up based on my classification of being "religious but different." This means that i went to a nice all-dudes high school, daven in a nice black-hat shul, spent 2 years in a nice heimish yeshiva in Israel, but I wear a kippah srugah. So I get set up with crack-whores, lesbians and Creed fans, all from nice flatbush homes.
Finally I put my foot down as Id had enough. I removed my mother from her executive position, placed her in a recon post and told her to do some homework before she sends me out to the wolves again. I didnt go on a date for a month.
Finally a friend decided to set me up. She had met a girl at a party, thought she was great for me, etc... I went on the date had a great time, saw actuall potential in someone for the first time ever... only to be refused a third date by my mum due to "baggage." No details necessary.
That was strike two of my current dating at-bat.
Most recently, my grandmother had been talking to me about this girl I had to go out with. Whats her name?
"I dont know"
what does she do?
"I dont know"
Where is she from?
"Im not sure. I think the 5 towns."
What do her parents do?
"I dont know."
So how do you know her?
"I know her great-aunt from back in Poland. A nicer family you wont find!"
Thats the date i went on last night.
Suffice it to say that she'll make some lakewood kollel guy really happy, but she just may not be my cup of tea...
What I said about chasidish girls, that can be applied to the uber-yeshivish as well. Then again I figured that was obvious. I think I may be done with shidduchim for a while.