Friday, February 03, 2006

Ok, so for those who dont know, Ive been shidduch dating a bit recently and it really hasnt been going all that well.

Firstly, the reasons for my being in the dating world at all are shady at best. Consider my parents primary reasons for putting me out to pasture:

1)75% of my high school class was married/engaged before the mesozoian age of 22. "Nu Xvi? Isnt it your turn?"

2)My fathers brother... his baby brother (who got married at 19 and had daughters instantly) has 3 grandkids. My father waited and had me. Clearly this has become my problem.

3)I live in flatbush, which means that the Rancho Carne of women opens at the just-legal 18 years of age limit. If i dont jump on the wagon Ill end up with some old maid, apparently. She may even be... ::GASP:: 22!

4) My room is a mess. I need to get married, learn responsibility and take my mess to some other womans house. My moms had enough.

These are the primary reasons for my unleashing according to the homefront. So, like the good yiddishe bochur i am I obliged. Why not? Meet some nice ladies, take it casual, if I meet someone I like... sure, Im cool with marriage.

But its never that simple is it?

Now, in my own best interests I laid down a few, simple guidelines as to the type of date I'll go on.

a) she cant be chasidish (excluding Lubavitch women, they are a breed all their own and this rule dosent apply to them)

2) she has to have pursued a higher education or at the very least appreciate academia on a fundamental level.

3) She dosent hae to be in mensa, but she cant be an ICP fan either...

4) She should, if at all possible, have actuall interests/ideas/hobbies/personality. That may sound standard... but Im from Brooklyn.

and most importantly!!! 5) the shadchan should KNOW THE GIRL, KNOW ME, and HAVE A REASON for thinking this shidduch might work other then "oh, Mrs/Mr. XVI, you have a son? I know a girl!" This happens. I kid you not.

So whats been happening? Well, I folded instantly when I accepted my first date from a woman who apparently knows my mother somehow from shul. My mother accepted on my behalf and I went out with an 18 year old.


Then I went on a barrage of dates that were set up based on my classification of being "religious but different." This means that i went to a nice all-dudes high school, daven in a nice black-hat shul, spent 2 years in a nice heimish yeshiva in Israel, but I wear a kippah srugah. So I get set up with crack-whores, lesbians and Creed fans, all from nice flatbush homes.

Finally I put my foot down as Id had enough. I removed my mother from her executive position, placed her in a recon post and told her to do some homework before she sends me out to the wolves again. I didnt go on a date for a month.

Finally a friend decided to set me up. She had met a girl at a party, thought she was great for me, etc... I went on the date had a great time, saw actuall potential in someone for the first time ever... only to be refused a third date by my mum due to "baggage." No details necessary.

That was strike two of my current dating at-bat.

Most recently, my grandmother had been talking to me about this girl I had to go out with. Whats her name?
"I dont know"
what does she do?
"I dont know"
Where is she from?
"Im not sure. I think the 5 towns."
What do her parents do?
"I dont know."
So how do you know her?
"I know her great-aunt from back in Poland. A nicer family you wont find!"

Thats the date i went on last night.

Suffice it to say that she'll make some lakewood kollel guy really happy, but she just may not be my cup of tea...

What I said about chasidish girls, that can be applied to the uber-yeshivish as well. Then again I figured that was obvious. I think I may be done with shidduchim for a while.


At 12:47 PM, Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

Your rules a lot lighter than mine. Mine include date rules.
1. A first date is an hour or two AT MOST!
2. First dates are limited to the area around Hunter. Pick me up from school and take me somewhere near there or we can take a walk in the park. No coming to my house--period.

Why is this? This is so that I do not have to spend my Sunday mornings getting ready for dates with guys who'll keep me in a hotel lobby for three hours of the time I should be doing schoolwork or hanging out with people I find interesting. Also, by making it a walking date, I can leave anytime. I hate that feeling when guys take you out in their cars and then you don't even know when they plan on returning you to your house.

It's funny you wrote about this now, actually, because I just got an email this week from someone who reads my blog asking to set me up with his single brother. No thank you, I don't do strangers.

At 1:53 PM, Blogger Sara said...

Where'd you get your apreciation (is it apreciation?) of lubavitch girls?

At 2:22 PM, Blogger XVI (R) - NY said...

Dina - I try to be as open as possible. I like meeting new people, even if they are "not for me" so Im not totally against odd dates, although I need the reason for the idea, or I end up on one of those dates I had recently. I also like to give the girl some options. Ill do the food thing but I'll always ask if she wants to go back afterwards. I believe in a woman's right to chose. Ill usually mention it on the phone too in case I need the cop out myself.

Sara - Its absolutely an appreciation. Didnt mention that in the blog, but anyone whos met lubavitch girls knows where im coming from.

I cant believe I have to do the word verification on my own page... tzjfo

At 11:26 PM, Blogger Sara said...

ok few major probs with this highly entertaining post.
firstly, i didnt read anything about looks- r u pretending that its not impt to u?
secondly, u mention personality as an abstract, but i would put that waay higher up on the list- with an actual description next to it- bc ultimately i think that is the most impt factor. hashkafa,looks... can all change but personality remains the same.
and thirdly, u forgot a major impt qualification- and dinz- im suprised that u didnt mention it since u mentioned it to me once.
they have to be the same temp as you
being as im always freezing- i dont think i can live with someone who is hot- the seperate bedroom idea just doesnt appeal to me.

At 11:48 PM, Blogger XVI (R) - NY said...

See Sara... about the looks and personality... thats the whole reason I wanted to know who was setting me up and I wanted them to know me. I want to trust my shadchan enough to not have to question whether the girls personality will match. I want them to TELL me that it will. Same goes for looks. I need my setter-upper to want to find me a real piece of ass. that shouldnt be explained. As far as a particular look? Im not like that. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder but most people on earth can agree on who is or isnt moderately attractive.

As far as temp... Im kind of moderate on that too. I do insist on a fan or AC in the bedroom but thats just cuz I need the white noise. Its not a temp thing. I need one of those beach-noise things.

At 6:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"... only to be refused a third date by my mum"

Not sure what's worse; that you're dating your mum, or that she turned you down for a date?



Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

<< List
Jewish Bloggers
Join >>