Friday, September 22, 2006

So if you know me than you probably know my philosophy. And if you know my philosophy than you probably know that Im really looking forward to rosh hashana. Thats right. As others are quaking and moaning, fearing reprisals for past actions through vindictive recipricocity by a ruthless and cruel deity, bemoaning the coming of the realization of another earthly spin-cycle and how it will affect their divine fortunes, I eagerly anticipate the coming benedictions that the celebration of the new year will bring. I do this, because I am aware that God loves me. He loves me more every day and so with the coming year he will love me even more than he has in the last one. How then can I be fearful of rosh hashana? I accept his blessings upon me and I love him in return for all he does and vow to be his most faithful servant for as long as he remains my master.

But good news you guys... he loves you too! yay! So quit your fearful bellyaching about the impending doom of rosh hashana and look forward to the opportunity to praise God. We will pray in praise and thanks for the wonderful year that he will most surely bestow upon us in his almighty wisdom and his endless charity and grace. It will be a year of plenty for all. A true bumper crop of divine goodwill.

And so I say, do not moan but celebrate. How then should one celebrate the new year? Much like any other new year. Drink! Only in this state of drunkeness are we ungaurded enough to be open and thankful for what he have. We can truly say "God... I love you man... You rock!" and mean it in much the same way I love you guys. Because i do and want to thank you all. A man is measured by the company he keeps and the people he calls friends. And you all, as my friends, are then to thank for me being such a kick-ass guy. And I you. And so forth in this vast social network of awesomeness to which you all contribute.

And so with love in my heart and blessings on my tongue I wish you all a happiest of new years. If I have ever hurt anyone of you than I beg you harbor no Ill will and I shall surely return the favor.

May we all merit to be inscribed in the book of a good life. With health, wealth, love and happiness to all.

happy holidays,

Xvi G.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

So whatsup? Its been a while. Dunno if Im gonna continue with this thing or not yet but people have been asking for an update on my school situation, my life and my overall mental well-being so here goes. What follows is just thought-process ramblings. I apologize for grammatical errors but its an infrmal post.

First(ly?), no, Im not in med school this year. I got on the downstate waitlist, but as we know i was so terrifically late that I shouldnt have ever convinced myself i ever really had a shot at acceptance. Instead of being productive and working torwards a positive goal I sat back, yet again, and hoped that the crack would develop into a full fledged hole that I could pass through. No go though. So there went the summer. The good news is though that the summers over!

Let me explain.

This year was pretty bad. Pretty damn bad for me all things considered and Im glad its gone. Yes, with the end of summer comes the end of leisure but I can deal with that. People will be back to school or full time jobs or yeshivah, and ill have to find work and be bona fide and such, but at least last year will be past. The questions are gone. Im not in school. I know that. No more "maybe"s or "wait a little more"s. No more endless months of uncertainty, waiting to be informed of my status from on high as I listlessly wait in drooling anxiety. Yes, Ill have to reapply and do the process again. This time though, its in a timely manner, its on my terms and I know the procedures. I know who to talk to and what to do. Who to ask and who to tell. Even if i dont pull it off this time around, it wont be like last time. Ill maintain my sanity and maybe even be happy... a little. Were working on that one.

With the new year comes a clean slate too. They say that rosh hashonah is a yom din and if your teshuva is proper your slate gets wiped clean. Im gonna apply that to the dating situation and maybe be a bit more chipper too. Last years eighteen get dropped back to zero. No more annoyance at women and shadchans. I get to start over and be annoyed anew. Or not. But probably.

What of this year though? Not sure honestly. Its kind of wide open while I simultaneously have no options. On the one hand, its a meaningless year. I still intend to start school next summer and in that sense have this year to throw away (chas vshalom ;) ). However, apparently, the resume' building never ends. Due to my failure to be accepted last time, my folks, advisors and other people not-in-the-know believe that I should be doing more volunteer work / laboratory research / doctor shadowing. This despite the fact that my application has already been sent out and this will only reflect well on the interviews. There is some logic tho this though and so i must consider it. What this means, though, is that full time work cannot be an option. No more wide-open possibilities on the year. Now its part-time work and no one enjoys part-time work. But its money. So yay.

My parents also want me to go back to yeshiva, but im not so sure. Its hard to find a program thats going to study what i really wanna study and not just give me a chavrusa to learn some random mesechta of "yeshiva gemara" with. I already know that if one man's ox gores another man's ox, compensation depends on whose field the oxen were in. Thats not very exciting. Considering the fact that my parents want me back in yeshiva to beef up my shidduch resume'...

Im working on one resume' this year. Not that one.

So what about work? I dunno that either. Other than a hasc/beis ezra type job I dont even knbow my options. Is my BA is psych good for anything? Its just the year. And its part time. Suggestions are certainly welcome.

Anyway, thats pretty much it. My current status. Consider yourself informed and in th know. And say hi.

Until later then...

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